Judges 3:12-24: Fat Man Stabbed in the Sh*tter

Judges 3:12-24 tells of an extremely obese Moabite king killed by an Israeli warrior. The Israeli gained access to the king’s inner chamber through trickery and… killed him in the bathroom.

We’re told the king “was a very fat man.” So fat that when he was stabbed with an 18-inch sword, “the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade.” That’s one big Moabite.

Where were his guards as he lie dying? They were right outside the door, afraid to check on him, because they thought he was on the pot. “‘He must be relieving himself in the cool chamber.’ So they waited until they were embarrassed.”

Can you picture that? Two warrior guards standing outside the king’s bathroom door, thinking “he should really be done by now”, arguing over which one was going to see if he was okay.

Apparently they played rock-paper-scissors to see which of them was going to knock. Cause one of them did, and Big King Poopsalot didn’t answer. “When he still did not open the doors of the roof chamber, they took the key and opened them. There was their lord lying dead on the floor.”

Your titbit of Bible trivia for the day.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *