Baby It’s Hot In Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes

I hate, daresay, loathe Baby it’s Cold Outside. Say what you want, but it’s obviously about taking advantage of a woman. I don’t know how you could read the lyrics and think otherwise.

My main issue with this isn’t the implied sex per se. My issue is with the message. The girl wants to leave. The guy’s talking her out of it. She feels that, for whatever reasons she has, it’s wrong to stay and she should leave. And he’s arguing with her about it. Would you want someone to do that to your daughter? How about your sister? Or your wife? Not as entertaining now, is it?

And on top of all that, it’s not even about Christmas. Go ahead. Read through the lyrics a couple times. Take a few listens on Spotify if you need to. Do you see any references to Christmas whatsoever? No, because there are none. This could just as easily happen in late March as it could December. Everyone with their shorts in a twist about “defending Christmas” are staking their claim on a song about two people deciding whether or not to have sex in the middle of winter. You may as well say Nelly’s Gettin Hot in Herre is about the 4th of July.

I really can’t stay (but baby, it’s cold outside)
I’ve got to go away (but baby, it’s cold outside)
This evening has been (been hoping that you’d drop in)
So very nice (i’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice)
My mother will start to worry (beautiful what’s your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I’d better scurry (beautiful please don’t hurry)
But maybe just a half a drink more (put some records on while I pour)
I have daughters. Perhaps you do as well. Imagine if they were at a high school party, approaching curfew, and some guy on the football team was trying to take advantage of her. She’s trying to do what’s right, get home to her parents who are concerned about her well-being. Meanwhile some drunk dumbass is trying to get her to hang around for a while longer.
The neighbors might think (baby, it’s bad out there)
Say what’s in this drink? (no cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (i’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell)
I ought to say, no, no, no sir (mind if I move in closer?)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried (what’s the sense in hurtin’ my pride?)
I mean. My god. Does that not sound the least bit creepy? I should go home, but man you’re really convincing, I shouldn’t stay, but ah what the hell. I’d hate to upset you after you spent so long trying to charm the pants off of me.
I really can’t stay (oh baby don’t hold out)
Baby don’t hold out.
Remember when we used to have after-school documentaries on peer pressure? Just say no and all that? I guess it’s OK to look the other way if it’s in a classic Christmas tune.
But baby, it’s cold outside
I simply must go (but baby, it’s cold outside)
The answer is no (but baby, it’s cold outside)
Your welcome has been(how lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm (look out the window at this dawn)
How many times can a girl say no? I guess until she gives up and says yes!
My sister will be suspicious (gosh your lips look delicious)
My brother will be there at the door (waves upon the tropical shore)
My maiden aunts mind is vicious (gosh your lips are delicious)
“Please sir, I’d like to go home now. My family will be concerned about my condition.”
“Aw baby, why ya gots to be like that? Come on in for a kiss now!”
If an old man did that to a girl we’d call him a pervert. But, ya know, classic song and all, so we’ll overlook it.
But maybe just a cigarette more (never such a blizzard before)
I’ve gotta get home(but baby, you’d freeze out there)
Say lend me a coat(it’s up to your knees out there)
You’ve really been grand (i thrill when you touch my hand)
But don’t you see? (how can you do this thing to me?)
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow (think of my lifelong sorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied (if you got pnuemonia and died)
I really can’t stay (get over that old out)
Get over that old out. Seriously? “STOP MAKIN’ UP EXCUSES AND SLEEP WITH ME DAMMIT!”

I’ve had countless people tell me “oh that’s not what that song is about.” The hell it isn’t! “Well it was two folks at a dinner party that were…” yes, two folks at a dinner party. One of whom wants to go home, the other who wants her to stay and get jiggy with it.

I’m not saying you can’t listen to it. I’m not saying radio stations shouldn’t play it. I’m just illustrating how yes, it’s about people having sex, and no, it’s not about Christmas. Don’t be obtuse and claim otherwise.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *